The Shadow Side
The shadow is a psychological term for everything we can't see in ourselves. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the darker aspect of the personality as present and real. This act is an essential condition for self-knowledge and it is often met with considerable resistance. These shadows are repressed elements of the personality which we choose not to be identified with. As such, it can be easier to observe another's shadow before acknowledging one's own shadow.
Shadows lurk in the deep recesses of the psyche. It is buried in the heart, in the mind; it is part of us. It follows us, it frightens us, and they come to us in different ways but they always appear somewhere. The shadow is not a mere concept or a matter of perception. It is very real. These consist of primitive, negative human emotions and impulses like jealousy, rage, envy, greed, selfishness and the desire for power.
The birth of the shadowEverywhere there is light, there is also darkness. It is not possible to deny the shadow element. The personal shadow is the disowned self, it is usually the worst side of a person. We repress these emotions and characteristics; they become part of our unconscious or subconscious. From childhood, we program ourselves to identify with traits associated with "being good", while the ones associated with "being bad" are rejected and pushed to the place of unconscious feelings, as we grow up they become the shadow.The kind, gentle and caring person may have a cruel side hiding behind all that softness. Even among the most benevolent, the most respected personalities and leaders in every field or endeavor, part of their shadow element peeks through their eloquence and their elegance.
Do they really know themselves, or have they denied their shadow element? They may find their views, their words and their actions in conflict. This is not intentional and the internal shadow conflicts they fail to deal with come to surface at the worst moments.Every human being is susceptible to this.
When we are at the lowest point in our lives, shadows haunt us. It is that part of ourselves that we leave in the closet as we face the public and put our best foot forward. Hide them, deny them, suppress them, they will not vanish. Our actions, or trying to avoid facing our shadows, may end up attracting these shadows into our lives in other ways.They can come as temptations, obsessions, addictions, co-dependency and other forms of indulgence. Shadows appear in the darkness cloaked in fear; shake us at our core. Shadows can also be shown as projections. It can be a dislike of certain traits in people, unjustified and unexplainable. We don't like what we see; perhaps it mirror's a part of us that we choose to ignore or may not even be aware of.
Are you comfortable with your friends? If not, ask yourself, why do you hang out with them? Do you judge them harshly? If so, why do you share your time with them? Do you tend to make a compromise that you can not meet? What about when you get angry at the slightest provocation, at times, by the same person. There are times we look for our shadows in the face of other people. We attract them into our lives. Buried deep, these shadows may drive us to places we dare not go.
Pundits would say it is not wise to deny the shadow element. They believe the only way is to confront it, deal with it and work through the conflicts it creates.There are lessons from the shadow element. To become aware of it, we need to go deeper into ourselves. We can take the good, work with the bad, see the light, face the darkness without fear. Go deep within; let the fears and insecurities be buried deep within the surface. Confront the anger seething under the skin. Confront your inner child and negative emotions, be there for yourself. Know that this is NORMAL and you are HUMAN and part of being human is experiencing the FULL spectrum of emotions. Once you break the stigma surrounding the shadow, and can learn to embrace and nurture the part of you that feels that way WITHOUT indulging in the negative behaviors of the shadow, you can learn to heal and self-regulate your emotions. Exploring your shadow can lead to greater self-authenticity, healing, the feeling of wholeness, balance, creativity, energy, and personal awakening, as well as helping to heal relationships we have with others.
We are not perfect. No matter how many dark clouds hover above us, no matter how long the dark night is, light will surely come. These dark nights offer a chance to enrich and nourish our spirit, our soul and our lives. It helps us to align ourselves with our highest purpose. By striving for greater balance, endurance and perspective, we generate more personal power and strength.
Using The Power Of The Sun To Release Our Shadows
The sun is the source of power in astrology and in life. Without the sun there is no life whatsoever. If the sun exploded or stopped shining, everything would die very quickly. With all of our modern sophistication, it's amazing how most people do not remember this simple fact.
As such, it is the qualities of the sun in our birth chart that can show how to access our personal strength and power. Through the prism of the ego, the infinite light of the sun gets filtered, leaving parts of our psyche in darkness. Once we begin living a more examined life, our inner sun begins to illuminate the dark corners of our soul. Once illuminated, these darker parts of ourselves become resurrected.
There's a classical yoga story that illustrates this point. It is the story of the snake and the rope. In darkness a coiled rope may have the appearance of a snake. If we encounter this coiled rope we may react as if we have seen a snake: by fearfully jumping out of the way, with our heartbeat racing. For all intents and purposes, at that moment the rope IS a snake. Yet, if we produce a flashlight and shine it upon the coiled rope, all of our symptoms disappear and the truth is revealed. Nothing more needs to be done. The appearance of light removes darkness and magically our imagined symptoms disappear. Additionally, once we see the truth we don't forget. After we realize that the coiled rope is not a snake, we don't then forget this and react in fear again after we turn the flashlight off. We remember and if we are smart, that experience changes us and gives us insight into the nature of our illusory perceptions.
This is the nature of the sun, to separate us from the darker parts of our being. The sun refers to the greatest possibility we have, the possibility of enlightenment. Yet it requires enormous sacrifice, in fact, the ultimate sacrifice. What is that sacrifice? It requires us to sacrifice those familiar shadows of self that we hang onto, those shadows of the ego that gives us a sense of worldly identity.
Living in full power and full clarity is a scary prospect, because it demands we face ourselves and become responsible for who we are now, how we treat ourselves and those around us, and where we're going, rather than hang onto the disempowering blame given to the events in our past. As long as we are still living in the past, we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes, marching lockstep in accordance with our negative programming. Of all the planets, the sun refers to all we are becoming and our true desire to be self actualized. That self actualization begins with reclaiming the reins of personal strength, power, and integrity.
One of the best ways to start your journey into Shadow Work is to work on your self-compassion. It is very hard to process and understand your shadow without compassion and understanding oneself and meeting your inner child with friendliness and understanding.
Remember that the shadow is elusive; it hides behind us. You will have to make conscious to recognize and get past the defense mechanisms designed to keep our shadows repressed and out of view. The more you pay attention to your behaviors and emotions, the better chances you have of catching your shadow. We tend to project our disowned parts onto other people, so look for that as well. Assess situations, try to find the root causes of emotions. Ask yourself why you feel that way, and what triggered that emotion. This step requires a large dose of self-honesty. Please recognize that you will not WANT to see these behaviors or traits in your self but try to view the situation objectively, hold yourself accountable but with compassion and understanding. Create an inner dialogue, ask yourself questions and respond honestly.
Keep a Shadow Work journal, record your discoveries. Record behaviors or emotions you feel strongly, who/what triggered them, and why. This gives you a great way to look back, reflect, and become more self-aware. Desire a connection with yourself. If you can find yourself, understand yourself, and love yourself, you will soon find a WHOLE new you!
3-2-1 Shadow Work Exercises with Scott Jeffrey
If you want a step-by-step method for working with the shadow, try the 3-2-1 Shadow Process developed by integral philosopher Ken Wilber in Integral Life Practice.
Here are the basic steps:
STEP 1: Choose what you want to work with. It’s often easier to begin with a person with whom you have difficulty (e.g., partner, relative, boss). This person may irritate, disturb, annoy, or upset you. Or maybe you feel attracted to, obsessed with, infatuated with, or possessive about this person. Choose someone with whom you have a strong emotional charge, whether positive or negative.
STEP 2: Face it: Now, imagine this person. Describe those qualities that most upset you, or the characteristics you are most attracted to using 3rd-person language (he, she, it). Talk about them out loud or write it down in a journal. Express your feelings. Don’t calculate say the right thing. There is no need to be nice. The person you are describing will never see this.
STEP 3: Talk to it: Dialogue with this person in your imagination. Speak in 2nd person to this person (using “you” language). Talk directly to this person as if he or she was there. Tell them what bothers you about them. Ask them questions such as: ● Why are you doing this to me? ● What do you want from me? ● What are you trying to show me? ● What do you have to teach me? Imagine their response to these questions. Speak that imaginary response out loud. Record the conversation in your journal if you like.
STEP 4: Be it: Become this person. Take on the qualities that either annoy or fascinate you. Embody the traits you described in step 2. Use 1st-person language ( I, me, mine). This may feel awkward, and it should. The traits you are taking on are the exact traits you have been denying in yourself. Use statements such as: - I am angry. - I am jealous. - I am radiant. Fill in the blank with whatever qualities you are working with: “I am __________.”
STEP 5: Notice these disowned qualities in yourself. Experience the part of you that is this trait. Avoid making the process abstract or conceptual: just BE it.
Now you can re-own and integrate this quality in yourself.
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